Deputy Donut & The EMOTOPOLICE Sticker sheet

Deputy Donut & The EMOTOPOLICE Sticker Sheet

“Protect and serve? Eh… more like panic and swerve.”

Meet the EMOTOPOLICE — the only squad where every officer is one bad day (or one sprinkle) away from falling apart. This kiss-cut sticker sheet features all five “professionals”:
• Smug — thinks paperwork is performance art.
• Panicked — still hyperventilating into a radio from 2009.
• Clueless — parked in Exhibit B and proud of it.
• Defensive — screams “COINCIDENCE” louder than a car alarm.
• Deputy Donut — the only officer who’s truly… well-rounded.

Stick them anywhere: laptops, water bottles, journals, subpoenas, or right across that “Confidential” label the way Smug would. Durable vinyl means they’ll survive longer than their next disciplinary hearing.

Perfect. Buckle up — here’s your “Official Interrogation Transcript” straight from the precinct filing cabinet (coffee stains included):

⸻

CASE FILE 47-B: The People vs. The EMOTOPOLICE
Location: Interrogation Room B (which is also the breakroom).

Detective (off-camera): State your name for the record.

SMUG (leans back, smirks): Name? Please. I am the record. Put down “Exhibit A: Too Handsome to Testify.”

PANICKED (already sweating through radio): MY NAME IS PANICKED EMOTOBALL! I DIDN’T DO IT! NOBODY SAW ME! DELETE THIS TAPE! DELETE ME!!

CLUELESS (holds up a donut, cheerful): Is this microphone edible? Because if not, I brought snacks. Also, hi Mom.

DEFENSIVE (slams table): Let the record show — WE DID NOTHING WRONG. NOTHING. Co. Inc. I. Dence. Write it down. Circle it twice.

Detective: Deputy Donut, your statement?

DEPUTY DONUT (sprinkles scattering, solemn): I plead… delicious.

(awkward silence, broken only by Panicked sobbing into the coffee pot)

Detective (sighs): Ladies and gentlemen, the jury won’t convict. They’ll just… laugh. Case dismissed.

Alright, here comes your cop-show style intro, dripping with 80s drama and powdered

[Over-the-top synth brass riff. Sirens echo faintly. A jelly donut spins across the screen in slow motion.]

Narrator (dead serious, way too serious):
“In the criminal justice system… emotions are considered chaos. In this precinct, four very round officers — and one pastry — are tasked with keeping order… and frequently failing.”

[Freeze-frames of each character with their “title card”]
• SMUG: “The Smile That Booked a Thousand Arrests.”
• PANICKED: “Currently running from his own shadow.”
• CLUELESS: “Still thinks subpoenas are Italian sandwiches.”
• DEFENSIVE: “Coincidence. Always coincidence.”
• DEPUTY DONUT: “Armed… and glazed.”

Narrator (snapping like a gavel):
“Together, they are the EMOTOPOLICE. Protecting your laptops. Sticker-by-sticker. And if you don’t laugh at them… they’ll probably interrogate your water bottle.”

[Cue final synth sting. Title card slams onscreen: “EMOTOPOLICE: OVER & OUT.” Deputy Donut slowly rolls past, leaving a sugar trail.]

• Film type: MPI 3000 Gloss HOP (EU), Promotional Monomeric PVC (US)
• 0.12″ (0.3 cm) white sticker border
• Glossy finish
• Fast and easy application
• 2–3 year durability
• Indoor use
• Blank product sourced from Japan

Don't forget to clean the surface before applying the stickers.

Disclaimer:

The EMOTOPOLICE are a satirical educational tool. They do not represent, impersonate, or parody any actual law enforcement agency (intentionally, anyway). Their primary purpose is civic engagement and community dialogue. Well… mostly.

Deputy Donut is a fictional character made entirely of sugar, ink, and irony. He is in no way affiliated with, endorsed by, or representative of the Chico Police Department—or any real police department, for that matter. All depictions are intended for humorous and educational use only, and should not be interpreted as official, authoritative, or donut-adjacent policy.

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